I find that in my own home, the things that have caused me the most stress have been when I'm engaged in something and I have to stop to do something else or when I walk into a messy family room and the children are lounging around in it as though they don't see the mess. These are just a couple of tickers that get me going. Next thing you know I'm frustrated, the children feel my frustration through the change in my countenance, and my home has changed from a place of peace to a place where strife begins to rise up in the behavior and attitudes of my children. The question I've had to ask myself is, "What is most important?"
In my home, I'd rather have peace than strife and to achieve that sense of peace, I have to check the importance of my expectations. I expect that none of the children sit in a messy room. I realize that in a family of 11, it's expected that home will not be immaculate; however, a sense of tidiness is expected so that we're not all tripping over toys and other objects that are either carelessly thrown or have fallen on the floor. So to translate my expectation to my children, we've made a rule that they are only permitted to sit in a room to relax, read, or watch a video if that room is tidied. Tidiness of a room to me means that the room doesn't have toys or other items on the floor and that the sofa is clear for anyone to sit on it. So the goal is to have the children take the responsibility for picking up and putting away all items immediately after they use them as well as enforce what I believe is a very basic rule, which is if you knock it down or drop it, pick it up. This goal helps me to achieve the expectation of a tidy room without frustration and furthers the main goal of peace.I also expect that my children follow all instruction without complaining in tone, words, or body language. There is a time to work and a time to play. Work is a part of life and to complain about it is to not only complain against parental authority but also to complain against God. Therefore I expect my children to work cheerfully so that they can unwind and play as a reward for their effort. To achieve this, there is a consequence of additional work for whomever complains about an instruction or task. Some times that means they'll miss out on part of a movie or other family activity because they have extra work.
I've found that consistency with keeping my expectations reasonable, setting goals to achieve my expectations, and enforcing appropriate consequences have really helped to create a more peaceful home, and I'm certain that the character that results from these things is something that the children will be able to carry with them well into their future.
