Judging Jane

You're in the store to pick up a few things and, as you head toward the register, you spot Jane. You know Jane. She's the one who's child will NOT stop screaming and throwing a fit in the store. She calmly asks little Johnny to stop screaming and extends her hand to grab him but Johnny jolts backward and stiffens his body in protest. Jane pleads with Johnny, in her calm, yet exasperated voice, to calm down, and she even promises him ice cream once they leave the store if he would just stop embarrassing her.

In front of you, in line, is Lisa whose son, Larry, dodging from side to side around his mother, is trying his best to get a glimpse of little Johnny in action. However, in the middle of dodge left, Lisa gives Larry that look, the "I wish you would" look. You overhear Lisa conversing with the cashier about what she would do if Johnny were her child and how embarrassed she would be if Larry were as poorly behaved.

I haven't met a woman yet who didn't desire a well behaved child. Many times, we rattle our brains trying to figure out just how to get them to behave. For some, poor behavior in a child is a result of consistently allowing the child to have his way or maybe it's looking at the child's behavior as a "cute" phase. Sometimes we just don't think about it at all when they're small and notice their behavior when they become of school age. Whatever the situation, and however early or late such behavior is noticed, nobody wants an unruly child.

With this in mind, we shouldn't be too quick to judge Jane and compare our situations, as Lisa did. Lisa may have grasped an early hold on Larry's behavior but nobody has it all together. To look at Jane in disappointment is to puff up ones self and look down on another. This is something that God never wants us to do. It could have been a hectic day for Jane. She could have received some bad news prior to her trip to the store. Johnny could be having an emotional meltdown because of a family circumstance. Unless you know someone's situation personally, you never know what a person is dealing with that may affect their behavior. Therefore, it's impossible to compare what you don't know.

What we can judge is that Johnny is having a bit of a tantrum. Jane does not like Johnny's behavior. Johnny is resisting Jane, for whatever reason, and Jane is trying to control it as best she can at the time. Those are things we can clearly see. To get into how much better a job you could do if you were in Jane's shoes would be impossible, not knowing Jane's full situation, and, in fact, it's just plain arrogant and self-centered. Would you have spanked the child or screamed at him for his behavior if he'd just received the news that his dear granny passed and was throwing a fit in the store as a result of that?

Rather than throw stones at Jane, a better idea would be to find a way to encourage Jane. "I remember when my son used to do that," or "I can help you put your things on the counter if you'd like" can be encouraging to Jane when she's flustered. It also may spark Johnny's attention and get him quiet to see you jump in and help his mom.  It may be wrong for Jane to allow Johnny to display disrespectful behavior but it's equally wrong for you to compare your situation with hers. We need to encourage rather than condemn. God tells us in Galatians 6:1, "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." I think that sums it all up. A little meekness goes a long way.